She's more.

“I like blue eyes, hers are green

Not like the woman of my dreams

And her hair's not quite as long as I had planned

Five foot three isn't tall

She's not the girl I pictured at all

In those paint by number fantasies I've had

So it took me by complete surprise

When my heart got lost in those deep green eyes

She's not at all what I was looking for

She's more.”

First loves are very difficult; it’s a feeling that seems impossible to explain, and if you have felt it multiple times, perhaps it was never the real thing to begin with.

My first love is someone I am not going to disclose, but it was something that completely came out of the blue. I knew her, and thought she was nice, but she was not the one I thought I would be attracted to. Then it hit me, and it hit me very hard.

Somewhere very deep inside, the feelings, emotions, and realization that this is something very different, remains. I doubt it will ever vanish, and in many ways I hope it doesn’t. It’s what makes us who we are, and the elation and pain are very normal. Luckily we do recover---at least I hope we do.

When I was growing up, it seems I would often have feelings for girls; I was early in this process, I think, but I was a very late bloomer in the end. I think a lot of it had to do with being very overweight, and as I view it, a complete dork. Yes, hard to believe, I was a dork. (Still am in many ways—just ask those who know me.)

Probably some of the most difficult times when I was growing up, was when I would like someone and know they didn’t even know who I was. I would see them with other guys and wonder, “Why not me?” If you ever watched “The Wonder Years,” I was Kevin; yes many of us were---we lived in an undiscovered world where we were unsure of every next move. That was me.

Life is funny; when you are sure you have a pretty good idea of what lies ahead, fate takes over. I like fate---but I also have little patience for it, as it often is not what I expected it to be.

The photo above was taken a number of years ago at the Morton Arboretum; in many respects it looks like a dark, sad, troubled photo---the truth of the matter is, it was right before spring. There is always something good on the horizon, it’s important to make sure you wait for it to happen---no matter what color eyes you like.

Thanks for stopping by.